Deserving
by casfics
Summary: As Lily opens up about her past, Iain learns secrets of hers that have never been told before. He soon realises there is much more to her than meets the eye.
1. chapter 1

'He doesn't like me.'

Standing side by side, Lily and Iain watched as people busied about. There was a clamour of noise, something that grated on her straight away. It was a formal occasion, and many were suited and dressed up appropriately. They stood close to the corner, escaping any inevitable attempted conversation for two minutes, if no longer.

'He just doesn't show his feelings,' She replied, accompanying this with a lengthy sigh. 'I am sure he likes you, or he will. You have only just met.'

'I may be thick, but I'm not that thick. It's the signs I'm getting.' He pulled a face, sceptical.

'Maybe you're overanalysing.' She took a gulp of wine this time, swallowing it without so much as a grimace. As she did so, Feng looked over. She caught his eye and managed a half smile. He just looked her up and down with a slow shake of the head, before casting his eyes back around to talk with some guests. Tears pricked her eyes and she looked down quickly.

'What's wrong?' Iain looked up from the buffet table, his cheerful expression quickly dropping.

'Nothing, can you watch my drink?' She asked, voice sounding odd, almost strangled.

'Sure, but it's a posh do, no one's going to spike it.' He replied. She flounced off, heels clopping against the floor as she went. The scent of her perfume lingered, delicate yet overpowering in its own right. Iain associated it with her, but she only wore it on special occasions. One of those occasions happened to be their hearse get-together.

At a loss of what to do, he turned back round to examine the buffet table. An array of food was spread out, and it looked beautiful, if a little too much so. Any event of Lily's family that he'd been invited along to seemed to be very over the top; planned down to the very last minutiae. Caviar on Italian crackers, fancy cheeses, stuffed vine leaves, amongst more dishes that didn't look edible. He guessed it was partially culture that brought them to such measures he would deem extravagant (the platters and the sushi), but some things were just unnecessary. The sort of food that people buy if they have buckets of money lying around. Choosing wisely, he opted for a small glass of fizzy wine and a rather suspicious-looking sandwich. Full of paste and brown bread of course, but he felt grimly thankful that bread even existed in the room, full-stop. It had started to go curly at the edges, but it seemed like the least offensive option. He wasn't prepared to experiment with the manner of exotic foods that faced him. It was glaringly obvious that the items Iain expected - cocktail sausages and cold pizza - weren't going to show their faces any time soon.

As he gingerly chewed the sandwich, a woman approached him. She was dressed in white from head to toe. The bride, he guessed.

'Hello! You must be Iain!' She smiled warmly.

'Mm!' Iain managed to respond, posting the rest of the sandwich into his mouth in a most undignified way. He was only thankful Lily wasn't there to witness it, as he knew he would never

hear the end of it, had it been the case. He swallowed hard. 'I am, sorry.'

She looked amused. 'Katie.' She introduced herself.

Iain furrowed his brow before he could control it. 'Katie?'

'Oh, because it's not a Chinese name?' The woman asked, quizzingly raising her eyebrows.

'No! No, sorry.' Iain shook his head, going slightly red. 'I do apologise.'

'It's fine, don't worry. I get it a lot. Lily's probably told you. I'm her cousin. My dad - Bohai - is Lily's dad's younger brother. He moved to England when he was 18, and my mum Cathy is English, so I'm mixed.' The woman gushed.

'I see. She mentioned you, yeah. You look... lovely. Who's the lucky fella?' Iain asked, making a conscious effort to be more polite.

'Oh!' She blushed. 'My husband Chris is over there.' She gestured at a large crowd. Iain nodded back at her, despite the fact he couldn't possibly tell who her husband was. 'Lily's lucky herself, you are nice. You're good for her, what she needs.' Katie nodded.

Iain gave a laugh. 'Thank you, thank you. That's kind of you.'

'I mean it. It'll be you two next.' She smiled. 'I best go find my husband. Sorry, I've said husband so many times! It just feels so weird.' She exclaimed.

Iain smiled, nodding. 'Nice to talk to you.'

'And you!' She called, but she was already off in the direction of the dancefloor.

Lily reappeared at that moment, quietly joining Iain's side. Peripherally, he noticed her. 'Ears burning Chuckles?' He gulped down the last piece of the sandwich, turning to look at her. Her eyes looked red and sore, noticeably puffy from crying. He glanced over at the dancefloor, noticing everyone beginning to move towards it.

'Do you need a good dance to cheer you up?' He asked. She just shook her head quickly. 'Don't be miserable, it's a wedding. Weddings are happy occasions, no?' She gulped again, tears forming once more. He exhaled, trying to read her. 'What's brought this on?'

'Nothing.' She whispered.

His fingers formed a loose bangle round her wrist, and he gently pulled her towards the corner of the room once more so they were away from public eye.

'Lily?' He spoke carefully, concern carrying in his voice. She mumbled then, an incoherent response that was drowned out by the loud music. 'Speak up, I can't hear.'

More mumbling, but a distinctive 'my father' and 'glared'. Iain puffed out his chest, looking over to where Feng was standing.

'Why did he do that?' He asked, trying to understand.

'It was the wine or you...' She spoke softly, yet he managed to catch every word. Iain just shook his head, eyes scanning the room.

'Don't say anything to anyone. He's always been that way.'

'I know, but it's not on. I'm not just going to sit by and let you be made to feel like shit. Whether it's him or anyone else.'

'I understand why you feel that way, I do. I love him though. It was probably because he disapproves of me drinking.' She explained.

'You're an adult, Lily.' Iain's voice was scathing.

'But to him, I'm still his little girl.'

He took her hand and squeezed it. 'I say we go find some more wine.'

'To prove a point?' She asked.

'Yes and no.' He shrugged, a smirk appearing on his face. She just nodded with a smile.

'Come on then.' He put an arm round her shoulder as they walked back to the table.


	2. chapter 2

'Morning!' He stifled a yawn, voice carrying through the room in a much too cheerful manner.

'Woken up on the right side of bed, I see?' Lily flashed him a quick smile, turning to pass him a coffee mug.

'What reason would I have to be unhappy?' He carefully grasped the stem of the mug.

'Mm,' Lily just smiled, glancing out the window. 'Charmer.'

He dared to stretch a little, making ripples in the crisp white sheets. He breathed in slowly and steadily, feeling his chest rise and fall. 'Inhaling the musty hotel linen?' She asked.

He frowned. 'No. Just relaxing.'

'Well. Why not?' She smiled, a flicker of something dance in her eyes. She leaned to plant a kiss on the side of his temple, then ran her hand through his hair once. It settled on the back of his head, and she fixed her eyes on his.

'You're gazing, Lily. Too starey. On cloud nine this morning yourself, it would seem?'

'I have many a reason to be happy.' She told him. Light filtered through the blinds, making specs of dust appear to float in the air.

'As do I.' He didn't have time to blink before her lips met his. The warmth spread from their lips, radiating through their bodies. Her eyelids fluttered, watching him react as they continued to kiss. Sensing this, he opened his own eyes.

He pulled away slightly. 'Shut your eyes.' He scolded, but his voice had a gentleness to it all the same. She laughed softly, then proceeded to stand back up. 'I wanted to see.'

'You wanted to see? What's that supposed to mean? Goodness me, Lily. For a woman with such a rich vocabulary, sometimes you do surprise me.'

'I'm full of surprises.'

'With the best will in the world, I am absolutely starving. Please hurry up.' He moaned, clutching his stomach.

'I'm putting my makeup on.' She told him.

'I can see! You're just as gorgeous with or without.' He sighed, slumping at the wall by the door handle.

'That is flattery. You are talking in your stomach's best interests and not mine.'

He processed what she'd said, and rolled his eyes dramatically. 'Just hurry up. I've got a full English with my name on it.'

'All you ever think about is food, don't you?'

'On mornings, yeah!' He huffed, tucking the sheets in. He looked over when he'd finished. 'Can't you leave off the eyeliner, or whatever that's called?'

'Correct, and no...' She carefully outlined her eye, hand wobbling slightly as she spoke.

'It's only your family!'

'Exactly.' She gave him a look which managed to stop his further questioning.

A few moments passed, before she readjusted her hair and studied her appearance in the mirror. 'That will do. Now for the hair.' She leaned for the brush, while Iain sat on the bed and scrolled his phone.

'Go down, if you like. I'll catch you up.'

'Are you sure?'

'Why wouldn't I be? Save me a seat.'

-x-

'There she is.' He raised his eyebrows in greeting, shovelling forkfuls of scrambled egg into his mouth.

'How classy, speaking with your mouth full.' She raised an eyebrow, pulling out a chair to sit opposite him.

'You look nice.' He complimented, ignoring her remark.

'Thanks.' She smiled, a slight blush reaching her cheeks.

'I ordered you some toast. Speaking of...' He said, as a waitress came to the table and placed down a plate with a smile. She jumped slightly.

'Thank you, again. You know me well. I never have an appetite on mornings, I don't know how you can stuff yourself so much.' She peeled back the plastic on the pot of sunflower spread, taking a knife in one hand.

'Course I can. Breakfast's the most important meal of the day. You should know that, really.' He grinned as she gave him a reproachful look. They sat quietly for a couple of minutes, eating their food. They felt it nice to have the lull, as they knew they had to travel back home later that afternoon. Lily was working the next day, so she wanted to soak up the company of him as much as he could. Even if it meant enduring the awful jokes.

'Hey up,' Iain muttered. Used to the Yorkshire-isms, Lily glanced upwards in response.

'Shit.' She muttered, immediately unfolding her napkin and placing it over her knee. She readjusted her posture so that she was more collected, and greeted her father with a polite smile.

'Hello, Father.'

Iain chewed his mouthful, watching the interaction between the pair and seeing just how much it transformed her - for the worse.

'May I?' He asked, but sat without waiting for an answer.

'Of course.' Lily spluttered slightly.

'Down the wrong way, Lils?' Iain asked, washing his food down with a swig of orange juice. He purposefully ignored the looks he knew he was receiving.

Lily just nodded, not meeting Iain's eye. She didn't feel ashamed, but self-conscious of what her father would be thinking.

'Your mother is ordering our food. What a nice occasion last night was.' Feng remarked, his own lips forced into a tight smile.

'I agree, it was.' Lily's voice was clear and she enunciated each syllable with care. 'I'm so glad that Katie is happy, and of course that she invited myself and Iain too.'

'Yes, yes. I am just off to see your mother a minute.' Feng nodded, instantly dismissing Lily's response and standing up.

Iain couldn't help but think he was the type of man who never really listened, just waited for his turn to speak. Iain wished he'd shown Lily more appreciation through the years. He, himself recognised and believed that she was amazing, but he felt as if he was too late - he had only known her a couple of years. Feng had known Lily since the day she was born. Iain couldn't comprehend why he'd failed to express his love for her properly. She delicately nibbled on the toast, and though she didn't see Iain watching, he watched her every move. He knew she was wonderful, and he felt nothing but anger towards her father. Even more so when he glanced over and saw him whispering to his wife.

'He's a real headcase.' Iain sighed.

'That's my father, don't speak of him like that.' Lily looked pained.

'You're so loyal to him, Lily. If only he would ever do the same for you.'

'That's enough!' She hissed, looking over anxiously towards where her parents were in the queue.

'They can't hear.' He sighed. 'He puts you down, whether you see it or not. Cutting you short and stuff, I mean, what's that about?'

Lily just shook her head. 'We're going home after breakfast. Try to endure his company for half an hour, please. For me, if nothing else.'


	3. chapter 3

'Thank you.'

Iain glanced over at Lily, confused. 'For what, darling?'

'Being amiable, making conversation. It means a lot to me.' She said.

He fixed his eyes back on the road, always a careful driver. 'It's fine. I'll be truthful, I sometimes feel awkward in situations like that. He seems nice enough, and your mum definitely does. I was probably too quick to judge.'

'Yeah, maybe.' She whispered. 'It was a good couple of days.'

'It was. Thanks for inviting me. I know you didn't have to, but-'

'You're welcome. We enjoyed our night, didn't we?'

He smiled, surprised at how bold she was. 'Yeah.'

'Though I do feel guilty about making it about us too much. It's a wedding, their day.'

'And?' He chuckled. 'There's no social conduct that says you shouldn't have sex in your own private room on someone else's wedding.'

She cringed. 'It feels wrong.'

'Says the woman who had the hearse brainwave?'

She covered her eyes with her hands, mortified. 'Don't even bring that up.'

'Only trying to reassure you.' He shrugged, smiling when he caught sight of her face in the mirror.

'You're so mean.'

He pulled a face. 'Poor little Lily, having to-' She hit him in the shoulder. 'Steady on, I'm driving!'

'Hmph.'

They drove in silence, but they hadn't noticed that they were both lost in thought. Running her finger along the edge of the window to collect the condensation, Lily gave a little sigh.

'Long journey. We're nearly back.' Iain said.

'I just hope the clothes aren't too crumpled.' He peered through the rearview mirror.

'I can always iron them.' She yawned slightly.

'You tired?' He asked.

'A bit. I kept waking in the night.'

'I don't think I woke up once!'

'That I can confirm, you were out like a light.' She replied.

'A nap is in order for you later on then?'

She pulled a face. 'I don't nap.'

'Exactly.' He nodded. 'I haven't forgotten this about you. That's exactly why you need to get involved. You'll never go back.'

'I always feel ill afterwards.'

'You might not. I'll be there to distract you.' He smiled.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Can't feel my legs. I really worry about DVT though.'

'You _really worry_ too much.' He leaned as he looked for anything coming before pulling out the junction.

Lily's phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and read off the display. 'From my mother.' She commented.

'Oh?'

'Wishing us a safe journey home. She says how nice to meet you it was in Chinese.' She added.

'Oh, right. Well, and to her.' He nodded, though he sounded uncertain. Knowing Lily, he didn't put it past her to make something up just to keep him happy. He'd never know, simply because they weren't written in a language he could understand. It would be easy for Lily to use that to her advantage, really. He felt like he was kept out of a secret, except the secret was between Lily and her parents and even if it was in English, it was none of his business what they thought of him. He knew he'd have to suck it up.

As she was sitting in the passenger seat, he had to fight the urge to ask her what it was about her parents that made her go so quiet. What it was about her past that made her squirm and avoid all eye contact. He was desperate to know, and it surpassed just taking an interest. He was now curious, because it felt like clues that he had to work to unearth and put together in order to understand Lily fully. There was still so much he didn't understand about her. She was very much a mystery to him - far from a stranger, but full of depth beyond the familiar Lily that everybody else knew.

'Does it upset you, me mentioning my parents?' She asked, chewing a lip.

'No, no, sorry.' Iain shook his head. 'I was just thinking. There's so much we don't know about each other.'

'Yeah, there is. We are learning though. I am glad you got to meet my family. They were pestering me about finding a man, and now I have.' She smiled.

He just smiled back. 'We should share stories tonight.'

'Stories?' She frowned.

'Yeah, you know. About our past and stuff. I know we've done it before, but we could do it again. There's always more to find out. We could order a takeaway?'

'Sounds fun.' She smiled. 'I'd like that.'

'It's on. On one condition though,' He told her, as they pulled into Iain's drive. 'You've got to go to yours and dig out at least one old photo album.'

She gave him a look. 'Do I have to?'

'No, you don't have to.' He answered. 'You wouldn't want to be boring though, would you?'

She just shook her head at him. 'You know how to push me into a corner. Fine. I expect you'll be doing the same too.'

'I will.' He pulled the handbrake into place. 'Already looking forward to it.'

He thought to himself that perhaps, through looking at old memories, he might get her to open up. The weekend had really interested him in more ways than it should; it was meant to be about a couple and their wedding, but meeting the family had made Iain realise that there was more to Lily than one might have thought.


	4. chapter 4

It was late. Lily was curled up in his shirt under the covers, and he laid on his back. Staying wasn't their intention, but by the time they'd finished looking at photos, it was dark outside.

'Remember when we answered 36 questions?' Lily asked, with a giggle.

'Yes, and we only ever got to question 13 thanks to you and your answer.' He smiled.

'Well, I have found an article with more questions. We're not doing anything else...' She glanced up at him.

He rolled his eyes, exaggerating every move. 'If I must. What's the first question?'

'You wanted to get to know each other better!' She argued. 'Are you religious?' Then a giggle. 'Why am I even bothering, I can predict the answer...'

'Oh can you?' He laughed back. 'If you must know, yeah. Sometimes, I am.'

'Sometimes!' She laughed.

'As in, at Christmas and Easter I consider myself a Christian. But no, I'm not a devout pursuer of God. And yourself?'

'Uh, I don't know. I like to think there's something out there, you know. I believe science, obviously, since it makes sense. I would never rule anything out though, just in case. Miracles do happen.' She stretched and stroked his chin jokily, but he batted her away.

'Next question.' He said.

'What's your favourite colour, and why?' She looked from her phone to him.

'Just one?' He asked.

'Just one.' He mused over it for a minute, while Lily looked on, amused.

'It's not hard, which do you like?'

'I like green. And yellow.'

'Which?' She asked.

'I just said!'

'Green or yellow, only one.'

'Green. Nice and relaxing. It's a masculine colour but it's not the stereotypical blue.' He nodded.

Her lip quivered, trying not to laugh, then she spluttered noisily. 'Defying the stereotypes. Your logic does amaze me, Iain.'

'Shut up.' He prodded her. 'Your go.'

'Hm...' She chewed her lip as she thought.

'It's not hard!' He impersonated her, causing her to smack him playfully on the chest.

'I'd say red.'

'The colour of love.' Iain smiled, raising an eyebrow.

'The colour of power, danger, blood.' She corrected.

'Oh. Silly me.' He laughed.

'Indoors or outdoors?' She asked.

'In.' He frowned.

'Me too. Um, do you love easily?'

'Uh...' He thought for a moment, steepling his hands before bringing them to rest on his chest. 'Yeah, if it's the right person. It doesn't take much to convince me either'

'I don't.' She replied. 'Not at all.'

Iain breathed steadily. 'I know, but-'

'But what?'

'Well, it's not your fault, is it?'

She didn't answer. Instead, she rolled onto her stomach, shuffling closer to him up the bed. 'Favourite parent?'

'Mum. Never knew my dad.' He told her.

'Of course, sorry. I would probably say my father.' She said.

'What?'

She gave him a disdainful look. 'I know what you think of him. He got me to be where I am today, so I owe him thanks.'

He just shook his head, lifting his eyes to the ceiling. 'What?'

'You don't owe him anything. You don't owe anyone anything. I hate the way that you feel that you do.'

She nibbled her lip, not knowing how to respond. 'Wrong choice of words perhaps. What I mean is, I consider myself very grateful for his dedication to me.'

Iain wanted to refute this, but knew that such an approach would only make her upset and unwilling to talk further.

'Just opening the window.' He told her, not feeling too warm at all. Lily hated the cold, and she'd predictably cuddle up closer given a reason to.

She moved to let him, then draped an arm over his chest when he'd settled back down.

'Are you cold?' He asked, like he was surprised and like it wasn't part of the plan all along.

'A bit.'

He tried to move to get out of bed and shut it, but she clung to him slightly. 'Let me shut it then.' He chuckled.

'No, it's fine. Fresh air is good.'

He just smiled and laid back in his original place, the sheets slightly warmed and crinkled from where they'd been.

'Dog person, or cat person?' Lily asked him.

'Dogs, need you even ask.' He smiled. 'Love dogs, especially small ones. They're so cute. Let me guess which you are, oh wait... neither.'

She giggled then. 'Stop trying to answer for me! It defeats the point of this.'

'Was I right though?' He asked. She pouted sulkily, which made him laugh. 'I knew it! You can't say I don't know you.'

'Well, I don't like animals. They are dirty, and they-'

'Lily, darling. Listen. My plan is to have a dog, whether it be in weeks or years time.'

'Well, that's good for you.' A smile crept across her face, obviously testing him.

'Just telling you in case you wanted to make a note on the five year plan.' He said.

She blushed furiously. 'How do you know about-'

'Aha! I have my ways. You could maybe write it in the margin if you're not too sure. Asterisk, dog. Double asterisk, fluffy one. Triple asterisk, make Iain clean up after said dog.'

She rolled her eyes. 'You think you're funny.'

'And you think I'm joking!' He exclaimed.

'Oh, I don't.' She raised an eyebrow at him, with a small smile. She cleared her throat. 'Would you rather party or stay at home?'

'Now, this depends. Probably stay at home.' He told her.

'Really?' Her forehead wrinkled, as if she was trying to work something out.

'Mm-hm.' With a quick movement, he smoothed out the lines that had appeared with his index finger, then tapped her nose gently.

'I thought you liked your kebabs?' She asked.

'I do. It has to be the right people, right place. I do love a night out, but I'd rather stay in with my jamas, a pizza and a movie.' He said.

'Maybe we've more in common than I thought.'

'Praise the Gods above, it only took her a year to realise!'

She giggled quietly, brushing her hair out her face. 'Another one?'

'You sound tired.' He noticed, conscious of her change in tone.

'I'm fine.' She blinked, though her eyelids kept trying to flutter closed.

'You _are_ tired.' He concluded, moving his hand to rub her back. 'Only go on if you're sure, we had a late night last night.'

'When did you last cry?'

'Honestly?' He continued to trace patterns on her back through his shirt. 'When you had the accident with the car.'

'Oh Iain...' She looked upset.

'No no, it's fine now. You're fine, so I'm fine.' He managed a smile. 'I won't bring it back up, but I evaluated a lot of things when that happened. We probably wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you getting run over, so, thanks.' He laughed oddly.

'The last time I cried was probably then too.' She nodded.

He pulled a face. 'Short memory.'

'I don't follow.' She replied.

'You cried at the funeral. You cried a few days ago.'

'I mean, properly cried.' She told him.

'Oh, alright. Fair enough. I think I cried because you cried for me. I felt so helpless, they weren't giving you any more pain relief and I remember getting angry. Max had to take me outside to stop me from interfering. Like I thought I could even do anything to help anyway!' He said.

She just smiled, if a little sadly. 'Anyway. List three things we have in common.'

'Um...' Iain chuckled, then glanced over at her. She smiled back, expectantly. 'You're so excited to hear me do this, aren't you?'

'Yes.' She answered, expression deadpan. 'I'm having a turn after, so don't feel embarrassed.'

'Alright. We... both are good at caring for people,' He said, as she nodded. 'We both order the same pizza, and we both have...' His eyes scanned the room. 'We both have big feet.'

'I do not!' She protested, pulling her foot free from under the covers. 'See.' She wiggles her toes, as if to make a point.

'Still a big foot, wiggly toes or not.' He laughed.

'It's not!' She argued, indignantly giving him a shove. 'I'm a size 6. You're like a size 11. Not that big.'

'It is so! You know what they say, big feet, big-'

'Alright, that's enough.' She stopped him with a hand. 'I've had time to think. We're both stubborn, we both are ambitious and we both love each other.'

'That last one is weak.' He commented.

'How is it weak?' She asked.

'Don't do those round eyes. It just is.' He said.

'Are you saying it's not true?'

He sighed, yet a smile slipped out. 'Of course it is.'

She leaned to kiss him. 'Good.'


	5. chapter 5

'What can I get madam for breakfast?' He asked, with a smile.

She giggled, and did the slow flutter of her eyelashes that she always did when she was flirting. It drove Iain crazy, and even though he never told her, she knew it. 'Nothing, I'll get my own.' She told him.

'I'm a good cook.' He said.

'So you always say.' She replied, rolling her eyes. She was abruptly stopped by the ringing of her phone.

'Hello, Dr Lily Chao. Who's speaking?' Lily asked, formally. Iain frowned, walking towards the living room again. He was puzzled as to why she sounded so professional, but then remembered she'd taken on a few new junior doctors and it was their first night shift alone. She grew paler and paler.

'What is it?' Iain whispered. She glanced at him, then moved her eyes away.

'Yes, yes.' Her fingers clutched the phone more tightly until the tips reddened.

Noticing she was upset, he went to sit beside her. After lowering himself onto the sofa, he slid his hand over hers.

'Right away. I will be about four hours.' Lily whispered, and put the phone down. She stared, eyes fixed on the wall furthest from them.

The words were at the front of his mouth, but somehow he was silenced by her quietness.

'It is my father.' Lily said, with a little shrug. 'He has been taken ill.'

'Oh God. How ill?' Iain asked.

'Ambulance.' She just replied.

It was too inexact an answer, and as a paramedic himself, Iain knew going by ambulance could mean numerous things, ranging in severity. Foot pain, leg pain, or a stroke were all possibilities. However, he knew she wasn't deliberately being evasive with detail, more she had been numbed and worried about the news.

'What's up with him?' He asked.

'Chest pain.' She replied, shortly.

'Chest pain?' He repeated her, processing what she'd said.

'Yes. They need me to be there. I'm going to go.' She said.

'Right,' He nodded. 'I'll tell Mrs Beauchamp.' She sprung up, quickly gathering her things. 'Do you know how long you'll be gone for?' He asked.

'No clue, Iain.' She gabbled, not meaning to snap. 'No idea at all. Give my apologies to the department.'

'I will, but... you shouldn't go by yourself you know.' He said.

'This is a family matter.' Her eyes locked with his, as she gave a heavy sigh. 'I'll call.'

Iain ran his hands down his face. She'd picked him up wrong. He wanted to be with her, but not for selfish reasons. He was genuinely concerned and wanted to be with her.

'Let me come, you shouldn't go alone while you're not thinking straight.' He reasoned.

'Fine, do what you think,' She said, exasperated. 'We need to go soon as possible, in under ten minutes if we can.'

'You haven't got your stuff at mine.' He said.

She chewed a lip, then groaned as it dawned on her.

'It's fine, you can wear my stuff.' He told her.

'No I can't.' She said.

'You've got my shirt on now. I'll throw you some joggers, I have leggings too, hoodies-'

'Yeah, okay.' Lily dismissed him with a wave of the hand. 'Please, just hurry.'

'I'll go throw some stuff together, I'll pack for a few days and we can buy the rest.' He told her. She nodded.

-x-

'Father won't want you here.' Lily whispered.

'Tough.' Iain replied. ' _Father_ won't know, will he?'

Lily paused to look at him, hurt. She shook her head, scowled and walked on. Had she more energy, she would have easily flown off the handle. In reality, they were both feeling irritable. They had been slumped in a car seat for what compromised at nearly 7 hours. There had been an accident on the road, and Iain had been forced to divert. The diversion they took just so happened to be down long winding country lanes, some of which were congested with other vehicles. After several rounds of bickering, they had managed to to settle their differences relatively amicably.

Still, they were grouchy. It had been hours since they'd eaten, Lily was bursting for the toilet and had complained at Iain relentlessly up until the minute they pulled up. He'd developed a headache, that she was convinced she could fix with simply medical knowledge alone. She had switched constantly between feeling anxious and lamenting about the closed motorway, explaining time and time again to Iain that it would have been much quicker if they had just 'taken the fast route' (like he didn't already know).

In short, they had got under each other's skin considerably. Unexpectedly, it was not a relief to be released from the confinements of his old banger of a car. A change of scenery did not amplify the mood, much to their mutual disappointment.

The hospital corridors were dingy. Both looked grimly as they walked along.

'Glad Holby isn't like this,' Lily commented quietly.

'Yeah.' He replied. They stopped in unison before they reached the double doors, Lily's heart rate quickening.

He gulped, for her as much as himself, then took hold of her clammy hand.

'Ready?' He asked, as his fingers hovered over the buzzer. He took her slight nod in response as an answer, and pressed it firmly.

The doors flung open, and they were greeted with him. Feng laid there before them, completely still.

'Father.' Lily whispered, moving towards him. Iain stayed rooted to the ground, so she moved from his hand until only their fingertips touched, then nothing at all. He dropped his arm to his side, helpless. He was rubbish at comforting others at the best of times, never mind his girlfriend who was upset about a man he positively despised. Another gulp. He hated being so powerless. He hated having to watch Lily in the state she was, so bitterly sad.

'Why, Father? I always said smoking was bad.' He heard Lily mumble. A smoker. He hadn't imagined that would be the case.

'You never did listen to me. This isn't the first time. Remember when I was ten?' The words escaped her lips and travelled across the room to where he was standing. He wanted to interrupt, find out what happened when she was younger. There was still so much she hadn't told him - she was so closed. A nurse popped in then, giving a sympathetic half-smile to Iain. He just nodded back at her, not wanting pity. It wasn't his pity to have, and he felt no desire to claim it.

Lily wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, then attempted to straighten Iain's clothing. The presence of someone new made her feel conscious of her clothing. Firstly, it was massively oversized, and secondly, the car journey had left her dishevelled.

'Can I see his notes, please?' Lily requested politely.

The nurse looked apologetic. 'Well...' She stuttered. 'Relatives are not meant to see them.'

Lily's face hardened. Iain sensed this before he saw it, and blinked his eyes shut, praying she wasn't about to do what he expected she might.

'I am a hospital doctor.' She addressed her sharply. 'Dr Lily Chao, look me up if you are in any doubt. Holby ED. Let me read his notes.'

Her tone was thundery, and he wouldn't take her on had he been in the nurse's shoes. Though feeling upset, he wished she didn't feel the need to shove her profession in the nurse's face. Admittedly regarded as higher, he'd hoped she wouldn't abuse the power that came along with it. She had though, and he suspected she might. Surely enough, the nurse looked close to tears.

'Certainly. I'm sorry, doctor. Here they are.'

The nurse passed them over.

'Thank you.' Lily replied, curtly, more content she had her own way.

Lily muttered the notes aloud as she read them, before pausing towards the end. Iain moved then, and in a couple of strides he was sitting in the plastic chair next to her.

He saw the tears form in her eyes, and looked over her shoulder.

'Patient unlikely to make full recovery.'

He sighed then. 'Oh darling...'

The term of endearment that usually comforted her seemed to only make her more upset. She fidgeted, shuffling so she was positioned away from them both.

'I need a minute.' She mumbled, then left the room, leaving Iain sitting uncomfortably with Feng. He was alone with him. He stared absentmindedly into the bed, seeing wires protrude from the man's skin. All he felt was contempt, but he was still Lily's dad, so he wished nothing more than for him to recover.


	6. chapter 6

He exhaled noisily, filling the silence with something other than the squeaking of his trainers on the floor of the corridor.

'We need some food.' He said, turning to look at her.

'I'm not hungry.' She replied.

'You're eating something. You can't go all day without.' He told her.

'Please don't, Iain. I'll bring it back up.' She told him, eyes still pinned to her feet.

'You'll have to find a way of keeping it down.' He snapped, tired and hungry himself.

'Stop it.' Her voice came out choked, nothing louder than a whisper.

'I don't even bloody know what there is in Southampton. We'll have to just drive round till we find somewhere.' He muttered.

'I've been in a vehicle for too long today.' Lily replied.

He turned round. 'You stay here then.'

'Okay.' She nodded, turning and going back in the same direction they'd just walked. He watched her for a few seconds.

'Wait, wait.' He said.

She spun round. 'What?'

'Come with me, Lily.' He said, thinking of how fragile she looked.

'I don't want to go in the car, or the car park.' She replied, quietly. He blinked his eyes closed, suddenly understanding.

'We can't walk, it's not practical. Come on, keep me company. If you let me go by myself, you risk me choosing crap.' He said, with a little smile. She looked thoughtful, clearly wavering. 'Or a place with a food hygiene score of three or below.'

He smiled to himself when he saw the last statement won her over. 'Fine.' She smiled.

He wrapped an arm round her shoulder and they left the building, climbing down the stairs into the car park. She tensed, and he tightened his grip around her.

'Come on. Can't remember where I parked. Probably because we were in the middle of an argument. What's new?'

'It was towards the back, I think.' She whispered.

His eyes scanned the rows of cars, but no luck. 'Bloody hell.' He muttered under his breath. Of all times to lose the car, it would be when he was with Lily in an underground car park. Fumbling in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, holding them in the air.

'What are you doing?' Lily asked.

'I don't know.' He replied. 'I'm tired.' He gently pulled her out the way of a car, feeling her flinch.

'Looked like you were trying to magic the car into view.' She continued.

'Oh?' He asked, distracted. 'Over there, look.' He pointed. 'I need my eyes testing.'

'And me. I can be forgiven though, I forgot my glasses.' She told him, as they climbed into the car.

'You wear contacts, right?' With one movement, he put the keys into the ignition.

'I forgot those too.' She smiled, watching as he pulled out. She admired how he'd dealt with her obvious fear. He'd played it down, comforted her and distracted her almost effortlessly. In reality, she knew she had no need to worry - he was a capable, experienced driver.

'Numpty.' He replied, not moving his eyes from the junction.

'Huh?' She asked.

'Point very ironically proven.' He said.

'I don't understand.' She shook her head, amusement flickering on her lips.

'For the first time in forever, _you_ don't understand.' He grinned.

'Tell me!' She said, indignant. 'Is it offensive?'

'Look it up, add it to your list of things to research.' He replied.

'My what?' She repeated. 'No such thing even exists.'

'Of course it does. You've got a list for everything.'

'What's so wrong with being organised? Taking an interest in the world around you?' She challenged.

'Nothing at all, but you've just inadvertently admitted to it.' He cleared his throat, smile growing wider when he saw her expression. 'I'm on the ball today Lils.'

'You're on something.' She muttered.

He laughed. 'Now you're just being cheeky.'

'Hm.' Her eyes hovered out the window, looking at the row of eateries they drove past. A small smile lingered, though this was soon replaced with a more solemn expression. Although she knew it was okay, she still felt guilty for allowing herself to feel even a little happiness, given the circumstances.

'Pizza Palace. Right, you love a good stuffed crust. Don't deny it. On me, alright?' He pulled up outside, car juddering to stationary. She looked hesitant. 'They've got a 5. Looks popular with the locals.' He added.

'You drive a hard bargain, Iain Dean.' She raised her eyebrows at him.

He just smiled. 'Come on, I'm starving.'

-x-

'This smells insane.' He gave a guttural moan, making her look at him funny.

'I wouldn't go that far.' She replied.

'Yeah, that was a bit far, wasn't it?' He agreed. 'I'm so ready though. I am literally starving.'

'Let me see...' She mumbled. Iain looked up and saw she was scrolling her phone. 'Numpty... Scottish for an idiotic or foolish person. Thanks.' She said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

'It's affectionate.' He told her.

'Says who?' She asked.

'I didn't-' He begun.

'You and your Northern-ness.' She smiled, and he visibly relaxed. He shovelled the cheese into his mouth, inspecting the back of the leaflet he'd picked up.

'If only they had one of these back at home.' He said.

'Then I'd lose you forever.' She replied, taking a more delicate bite of her slice.

'You're such a woman.' He said.

'Strangely, I feel that wasn't a compliment.' She said.

'Nag nag nag nag nag. It's what you do best.' He said.

'I do not _nag_.' She told him, eyes rolling skyward.

He gave her an appraising look. 'You really do.'

'Mean.' She responded.

'You wouldn't be you if you didn't nag. I wouldn't like it if you changed.' He said.

'And they say romance is dead.' Lily mumbled, which caused Iain to laugh through a mouthful. When they both fell quiet, he turned to her.

'Lots on your mind, sweetheart. I can't promise when, but it'll get better eventually.'

'Yeah. Except I don't know whether it will.' She replied.

'Well, you have me. I know it's not much consolation, but you do. Anything could happen yet.'

'I can't help but fear for the worst.' She whispered, tucking her knees to her chest. Iain sighed, eyes travelling to a couple who were laughing and smiling on the pavement outside.

'Yeah. That's understandable though. I was like that with my mum, and you. They say one thing and it's often wrong.' He tried to reassure her. 'I don't mean this to upset you, but it was a really grim outlook. Fluid on the lung, sinus rhythm way out of whack. Nobody thought we'd resuscitate in time, never mind have you go on to make a full recovery. Right? The Chao Family, they're fighters.' Iain squeezed her hand. She managed a weak smile, gratefully.

'Thank you.' She whispered.

'No need to thank me. We'll finish the pizza, then we can have a drive and I'll see if I can book us a Holiday Inn or a Premier or something. Maybe see your dad again later, or call and see your mum? If not that, we could go for a walk or watch a film or something.' He suggested.

'Yes.' She replied.

'Your call, no rush to decide.' He said, then went back to finishing his food. Sitting in the passenger seat, Lily thought for a while. If it hadn't been for the massive worry, she would have felt overwhelmed by the patience and kindness displayed by Iain. She was lucky, she knew. With regards her relationship, things were near perfect the way they were. She was content with the amount that he knew about her. Everything would stay fine, just as long as she gave nothing else away.

 **Please review!**


	7. Message

Message to my lovely followers:

So I'm going to be a bit busier over the coming months and will still be updating, but will have less time to do so.

I'll be taking this message off in a couple of days so it doesn't affect chapter order etc. I have a question for you all, as your opinions matter to me!

At the moment, I'm writing

Home

Deserving

Letters to Lily

Wishing on Stars

Which of the above do you like the most? I'll then spend the time I do have on your favourite/s.

To reiterate, I will still be updating them all, but much more slowly. Just wanting to know the one or two stories you enjoy reading so I can prioritise them mainly.

If you have a couple of seconds, pop me the name of it in a review. It'd really help. Thanks guys!


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